


Your Sunrise My Sunset

by Nikaslist



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Childhood Friends, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Non Idol AU, background chensung, background noremin, donghyuck dates yangyang for one second
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-06-26 12:04:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19767832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikaslist/pseuds/Nikaslist
Summary: One small beach town.Two boys.Donghyuck stays, Mark doesn't.





	Your Sunrise My Sunset

**Author's Note:**

> Oh wow i cannot believe i actually made this work haha
> 
> I would like to thank all of my enrara friends u know who u are guys. I would have dropped out if it werent for u. You guys were my inspiration.
> 
> Anyway this was an amazing experience for me i made so many friends thru enrara and it was so worth all the stress.  
> I hope this fic isnt too messy through i have a feeling it may be ksksk
> 
> To my prompter: i know that this is probably not what u had in mind but i hope u like it anyway!!  
> My prompt:  
> "mark's got big city dreams. he spends his free-time writing lyrics that he hopes can be accompanied by high production beats when he finally moves out of his small town. he's got a crush on his best friend haechan, but haechan wants to stay in town when they finish school, and mark's convinced himself the city is what he needs to finally get over his best friend."
> 
> To everyone else:  
> Thank u for clicking on this i hope u enjoy hehe  
> Some useful info: mark and 00 line are in the same grade in this. Also in bold are marks lyrics and in italic are flashbacks.
> 
> Thats all enjoy~

The sun is rising and Mark is late.  
The wind is strong this morning and it roars in his ears as he sprints down the road. The beach is already in his field of view and it’s empty at this hour.  
That’s probably the biggest advantage of living in a small town like his. There isn’t a place he can’t get to in twenty minutes.

He can already hear Donghyuck’s whines from where he is. The younger is never going to let him live it down.

When Mark finally arrives at the beach it’s twenty minutes past the time they were supposed to meet.  
The sea is quiet at this time of the day. Sun just barely touches the dark waves. It’s a familiar view.

And amongst it all there is Donghyuck.  
He is sitting on the sand, no blankets or towels necessary. Mark knows it rained that night and the sand is probably wet but he knows as well that the younger doesn't really care. And, to be honest, neither does he.

It feels like he is in the middle of a hurricane. All of his life is a mess now, with upcoming graduation, long-awaited summer and all the questions he doesn't have answers too. He thinks back to the envelope sitting on his desk. It contains his future. He hasn't opened it yet.

Donghyuck is the eye of the cyclone. It doesn't look like it, not from afar. He is chaotic too, head in all the wrong places. But caught in the middle of everything he is the only peace Mark knows.

The younger finally spots him.  
He waves his hands at him and Mark smiles because it reminds him so much of their childhood.  
Back then they were meeting while the beach was alive with noises and the sun was making him want to go home. They would have picnics every so often since they were too little to remember. First with their moms later alone.

“I can't believe you made me wake up at 4 am,” Mark says when he finally gets to the younger, sneakers in hands, voice still a little breathless from running.  
“I can't believe you are late anyway,” Donghyuck fires back.  
There is no point arguing with that.

Donghyuck gestures for Mark to follow him and he does so without a question. They get closer to the water until Mark can feel his feet getting wet from the sea.

When the younger is finally satisfied they settle on the sand and Donghyuck pulls a camera out of his backpack. Mark laughs softly into the dark.  
There is something mesmerizing about Donghyuck with the camera. He takes a lot of photos to match with his articles and Mark wonders what he is working on to fit the sunrise which starts to form on the horizon.

"Did you drag me there just to take photos of the sunrise?" he asks lightly. Donghyuck turns to him, the camera still targeted at the rising sun.  
"Well I don't really need you to take photos of the sunrise, do I?" he asks and shots.

Mark doesn't know if the shot will be worth it but before he can question the younger's actions he moves the camera so that it points directly at Mark this time.

"Smile!" he laughs and before the older can do anything there is another click.

Mark's eyes go wild.  
"What is this for?"  
Donghyuck sighs.  
"You're no fun hyung," he says and lowers the camera. "Today I'm just taking pictures for my album."

Mark tries to read Donghyuck's expression but the younger lowers his head and the shadows playing at his face make it impossible. He feels unsettled but tries to struggle it off.  
"Why though?"  
"It's our last day at school hyung. Rings a bell, doesn't it?"

Mark pushes the younger and he lands on his back in the sand but his laughter dies on his lips before he speaks the next words.

"And besides, so many things are gonna probably change after today, I just want to document this," he gestures between them and Mark wonders what _this_ is to Donghyuck exactly. "That's all."

Mark thinks back to the envelope waiting on his desk.  
"You're probably right," he says.  
Donghyuck smiles at him brightly, sunrise's vibrant reds and oranges visible in his brown eyes.  
"Let's get to eating, then. My mum made your favorite sandwiches."

**'Sea sea sea familiar taste sand sand sand familiar face sun sun sun I hate this place' - Sea by Mark (19)**

_“I already hate this place,” is the first sentence Donghyuck mumbles when they enter high school._

_Most of the people who scroll through the corridor with them are familiar, a few even greet them while passing by. Only the building is new but Mark doesn’t think it’s what Donghyuck has in mind._

_When they finally get to their lockers the younger sighs.  
“It looked so different when we were starting at it from the outside."_

_Mark leans on the locker next to Donghyuck.  
"Did you expect it to be this happy place where everyone is laughing? It's literally a school I'm sure there is a rule that you can't be happy here or something."_

_This earns him a kick and a sigh from Donghyuck.  
"You know that's not it."_

_Mark knows but this is the only high school in their town so they are stuck here for the next three years whether they like it or not._

The last day at school is something but at the same time, it's nothing.  
Everything goes normal, as far as lessons go.

There a few teachers who, in Mark's opinion, look like they may shed a tear but all sentiments are gone as soon as the adults see Donghyuck's and Jaemin's mischievous smirks for the last time.

In the end, most of their professors say their farewells with frowns on their faces.

It's a completely different story with his friends though.  
Mark doesn't know what is it in the air but they all seem way too serious for kids who are about to graduate high school and go to college.

Maybe there is a sense of a chapter being closed. Whether they plan to leave their town or not, it's still an ending of some sorts.

Mark can feel all of the glances on him.  
He doesn't have anything to tell them, besides words of encouragement and promises of meeting literally the next day.

But when his eyes meet Donghyuck's he finds it hard to smile.

As soon as he gets home he sprints to his bedroom. He doesn't bother greeting his mother, and there is a very loud "Hello?" which follows him to his room but his mind doesn't register it. He can't take not knowing anymore.

He burst through the door and his gaze falls on the lonely envelope on his desk.  
Mark stops in his tracks and tries to catch his breath.

His whole future is on this piece of paper. His mind goes back to all the times he dreamed about Seoul, the big city and his ultimate destination, while looking out his window at the kids playing in the streets or while sitting under his bedsheets at 2 a.m and writing lyrics.

And then, as usual, his mind wanders back to his best friend. His hand twitches with a need to write something down so instead of the desk he goes to his nightstand and picks up his notebook.

'I'm so scared about us. I can see in your stare that I'm not the only one.'  
There are so many random lines on this specific page. Some written upside down, some smeared, some even in Donghyuck's favorite lemon ink pen.  
All of it under a big capital letters 'You, You, You'.

Mark sighs. He leaves the notebook open on his bed and finally picks up the letter.  
"There goes nothing," he mumbles under his breath.

He opens it carefully and slowly.  
Then he reads it once, twice. His eyes go wilder and wilder with each passing second and he can feel his breathing and pulse speed up.

To be honest, the thought of getting in never crossed his mind.  
But there it was, black and clear on the white paper.

He got into a music company located in Seoul.

Telling his parents is easy enough. They both knew about his application and even though his mother raised her eyebrows when he first told her about it she fully supported him.

They are ecstatic, hugging him and telling him how proud they are.  
He feels tears coming to his eyes when he hugs them back with a big smile on his face.

"When are you supposed to move there?" his mother asks when they are finally all seated in their living room before the TV with cups of green tea in hands.  
"In two weeks," he says and lowers his eyes to the dark liquid.

"Is it all settled up? Where are you going to live?" his father asks.  
Both Mark and his mother roll eyes at the same time.

"I already told you about this. I'm going to be living at the dorms. The only thing I have to worry about is how to get there."

His father’s face lights up but there is still a shadow of worry there.  
"Don't worry about this son. Make the best of your last weeks here."

"Yeah," he says faintly and he suddenly feels all of the happiness he felt just a moment ago disappear.

His parents give him concerned looks.

His mind screams ' _Donghyuck, Donghyuck, Donghyuck_ ’. And he doesn't know how to stop it.

So he doesn't and instead excuses himself and runs back to his room to scribble a few new lines on the same page as before in his old notebook.

**'How does it go? Fold a thousand paper cranes for a wish? I'm folding a lot more and hoping they lead me back to you.' - You, You, You by Mark (12-20)**

_The first time Mark is really out of his little town is on a school trip when he is eleven.  
They go to Busan and the whole thing feels surreal._

_Busan is big and busy. There are people everywhere and Mark likes the anonymity it gives. He feels lost in a good way._

_Well, he isn't lost for real because Donghyuck is holding his hand the whole time navigating between masses of people. The younger makes sure they follow the group while Mark looks around with fascination._

_"Isn't it amazing? How much more cool must Seoul be?" he asks Donghyuck, all excited.  
The younger rolls his eyes at him.  
"I don't know Markie, I'm not that impressed."_

_Mark doesn't understand why Donghyuck doesn't seem fascinated by the city and instead keeps looking back at the ever present sea._

He texts Jeno that night.  
The first message is just 'i have to ask you to not tell anybody this, especially hyuck'.  
Jeno replies almost immediately with 'i'm scared but go off' and Mark would laugh if he wasn't so stressed.

It takes him almost half an hour before he comes up with a text that somehow satisfies him.  
He clicks send and waits for a reply with air painfully trapped in his lungs.

This time Jeno takes his time too. Mark waits unmoving for almost twenty minutes before the replay finally lights up his screen.  
It's too short for the time the younger took to write it and Mark's chest sizes painfully when he imagines Jeno laying in his bed with his cats, earphones in, trying to come up with a good enough response.

And it is just that. Despite it all, Mark laughs at how much Jeno it is.  
'that's amazing hyung! I'm so happy for you and the rest will be too for sure! you have to tell me more tomorrow'  
'yeah I'll tell you more tomorrow'  
They chat a little after that and Mark feels like he can breathe again.

He texts Renjun and Jaemin after this.  
They both are enthusiastic. Well, Jaemin is for sure, with all the smiley faces and hearts he sends.  
Renjun is more reserved but he doesn't question why Mark asks them to not tell Donghyuck anything so he counts it as a win.

He falls asleep with a smile on his face and a faint memory of Donghyuck's laughs from that morning which now feels so far away.

**'Your laugh is all I can think about on this dark night' - You, You, You by Mark (12-20)**

_When Renjun comes out to them Mark isn't ready._

_At the age of thirteen he doesn't know what to say, how to act to make the other comfortable and loved.  
And judging by his friend's expressions neither do they._

_"You're the mister perfect in this group Mark," Renjun says with sarcasm in his voice. "I'm sorry I can't be the perfect son and student my parents want me to be."_

_At that Donghyuck gets up and runs over to their friend.  
"I don't know who told you that bullshit but it's not true. You are perfect just the way you are Renjun. If your parents can't accept you, fuck them."_

_Donghyuck's words aren't the softest but they seem to be the most fitting ones because Rejun accepts his open arms._

_The rest of them slowly come up to the duo to join in on the hug.  
They try to offer comforting words too but that night Renjun hugs Donghyuck the tightest._

_Donghyuck is everyone's pillar of strength during the hardest times and he never complains about it._

Mark manages to almost sleep in for the second day in a row.  
There is something unnerving about collecting his things in a rush and Mark grimaces at his reflection in the mirror.

He tosses his notebook into a backpack and throws his favorite hoodie on, rolling his eyes at a whisper in his head that tells him Donghyuck will laugh at his outfit and heads downstairs.  
He grabs a bottle of water and one of the cupcakes his mother baked yesterday.

He gets to the place at the very last moment. It's an old and closed down playground near their, now also old, school. Mark can clearly recall playing there as a child with Donghyuck.

He spots his friends in the distance and he runs the last few meters to where they decided to unpack their picnic stuff.  
Donghyuck is sitting on an old and rusty swing when he approaches him. The younger raises his eyebrows at Mark and gives him a half smile.

"You're almost late again Markie. What happened to mister perfect."  
"Puberty finally got Mark," comments Renjun from his place on one of the blankets.

"Have I ever told you your jokes aren't that funny," Mark tosses in Renjun's direction but smiles anyway.  
"Multiple times actually. Nobody else agrees with you."

Donghyuck stops swinging and turns to their friend.  
Mark can see from the corner of his eyes that Jeno gets up, probably to stop them from fighting.  
"I agree with him," Donghyuck kicks the mud and it flies in Renjun's direction.  
"Disgusting. You don't count."

Jeamin laughs and soon after comes Chenle's high pitches giggle too. Mark turns to them and meets Jisung's glance. He is sure the younger is praying for help, while his best friend is screaming into his ear.

"Why don't I count?" Donghyuck asks, his voice already higher than a moment before and Mark's gaze snaps to him again.

"You're-" Renjun starts but Jeno jumps at him from behind and covers his mouth before he can get the words out.

"Because you just like to stir shit up," says Jaemin helpfully.  
Donghyuck doesn't even spare him a glance and scans first Renjun and then Mark skeptically.

The oldest raises his hands in a gesture of capitulation.  
"Don't look at me like this I don't know either."

Donghyuck finally sighs and turns his attention to the food lying on the blankets instead.  
Renjun snorts and whispers something under his breath.  
It sounds suspiciously like " _idiots_."

**'It's you you you every sunset old every sunrise new.' - You, You, You by Mark (12-20)**

_Mark's favorite place to visit at five years old is this cool and fascinating playground behind their town's only high school._

_While they are there his mother always points at the tall and sad buildings of the school and tells him that, one day, not so long from now on, he will go there too. Sometimes he can spot some older kids playing with balls on the school grounds and he always smiles and waves at them. On some days they wave back, on some they don't._

_But every time they visit Mark's vision is truly focused on his best friend.  
Donghyuck is energetic and he never loses optimism. Mark stares in amazement as the younger boy falls on his hands and knees multiple times just to get up a moment later with an even bigger smile than before._

_For some reason, the thing they always come back to is the old swing in the middle of the colorful mess. It's quite a boring activity from an adult perspective but both Donghyuck and Mark enjoy just swinging together in silence with an occasional burst of laughter, eyes never leaving each other._

_Their mothers say it's cute.  
The swing is Mark's happy place._

Chenle and Jisung take the news surprisingly well. Mark corners them after the picnic when the young duo is playfully arguing over something while picking up the blankets.

The others, apart from Donghyuck who ran off to help his mum with something are there too, definitely more serious expressions on their faces.

Gone is the light mood of the longest holidays in their lifes. Mark can't help but wonder if all of them didn't pretend the whole time today just for Donghyuck's sake.  
Or maybe his, he can't be too sure.

The older boys stay behind him the whole time he talks with the youngest of their friend group.

Chenle asks a lot of questions and Mark laughs a few times while answering the most ridiculous of them like "Are you gonna be on TV now hyung?", Mark says that he sure hopes he won't.

"What if they try to make you into an idol?" is another question Chenle asks with the most serious expression ever and even Renjun bursts into laughter.

Jisung hits his best friends on the shoulders with his awkwardly long hands and Chenle smiles at him softly.

Mark knows the look.  
He doesn't comment on it but he suddenly feels a new kind of sympathy for Chenle.

Jisung just nods along the way and as they go the others join the discussion too.  
Nobody mentions Donghyuck, although he is always at the back of Mark's mind.

It's almost dark when Jeno finally asks the question Mark didn't realize he never answered.  
"When are you leaving hyung?"

The silence that follows is crushing and Mark swears he can hear the sea calling out to him. He looks around the circle and searches for something, anything in their faces.

He doesn't find whatever he was looking for and he realized a moment too late that it was probably only Donghyuck he would have found it in.

"In two weeks," he finally answers.  
The mood suddenly shifts but nobody says anything.

They pack the rest of the things and say their goodbyes. He will see them all in just two days but Mark's gaze still lingers at the group when they start walking in the opposite direction than him.

He finally manages to tear his eyes away and looks up at the stars to guide him home.

**'The stars are different now, I can't even clearly see the sky' Dreams & Reality by Mark (19)**

_“I want something bigger,” says Mark at 10 years old._

_The classroom is almost empty, most of the students out in the sun eating their lunch.  
Donghyuck turns in his direction._

_“What’s something bigger?” he asks and Mark considers for a moment before answering.  
“I don’t know yet, but I’ll find it.”_

Two days before he is supposed to move to Seoul Mark finally gathers the courage to tell Donghyuck.

He invites the younger for dinner and some movies and even though Donghyuck looks at him with raised eyebrows when he says he didn't ask the others to join he still agrees.

Mark can't stop nervously crossing the path from the kitchen to the living room over and over again while he waits for the younger.

He stops counting how many times he did it after he reaches twenty.  
He feels more and more like he would rather die than face Donghyuck with every passing second.

His mother observes him with raised eyebrows from the kitchen until the bell rings and Mark almost jumps out of his skin and runs to answer it.

On the other side stands Donghyuck, in an old t-shirt with some aliens on it and a pair of sweatpants. Mark laughs softly at the sign of his best friend’s messy hair.  
He looks like he came straight from his bed even though his house wasn’t exactly next door.

“You walked like that around the town?” he asks playfully and Donghyuck rolls his eyes. Mark senses that his suspicions weren’t that far off and he probably woke up not that long ago.  
“It’s not the first and not the last time for sure,” he mumbles and passes Mark to get to the house.

He shouts a loud and enthusiastic “Hello!” at Mark’s mother and now it’s the older’s turn to roll his eyes.

How classic of his best friend to sound more excited to see his mum than him.  
Too bad all of this enthusiasm was about to vanish in a few minutes.

A shiver runs down Mark’s spine and for the first time he feels _really_ afraid of what Donghyuck might say. He knows he will be angry, that much is crystal clear. Maybe upset even, or maybe that part will come later when the younger will be safe under the covers of his own bed sheets.

 _Stop, you’re only making this worse_ , he reprimands himself and tries hard to stop his galloping thoughts.

After they are done with a small talk with his mum they go upstairs. Donghyuck's footsteps are loud and energetic, echoing through the whole house and making Mark's stomach turn.  
His are fast and almost too quiet.

In his room the younger relaxes on Mark's bed and eyes the open window.  
"It's kind of cold today," he notices and as on a command another shiver runs down Mark's spine.

"Donghyuck I need to show you something," he says instead of answering. The other's face becomes serious in a span of a second, his gaze following Mark's every gesture.

"Do tell me Mark. I have noticed you acting weird past two weeks, y'know."

Of course he couldn't fool Donghyuck. Not for long at least and looking back on it he did a really shitty job.

He goes up to his desk and picks up the letter he got all those weeks ago.  
After thinking about it he decided it would be better to just let Donghyuck read it himself. Mark is not good enough with words.

Well he is good at writing lyrics, or at least he hopes so, but speaking about stuff like this is different.

Donghyuck gets up and meets him halfway. He gently takes the envelope from him and peeks inside.

It's not hard to tell the exact moment when his best friend finally pieces everything together.  
His face drops and he stops reading the papers.  
Mark takes them from him.

There is silence for about five minutes before the younger decides to speak again.

"When did you get that letter," Donghyuck points at the piece of paper still hanging helplessly from Mark's hand.

There is no point in lying to the younger so Mark gathers all his courage and whispers a simple.  
“Two weeks ago.”

The look on Donghyuck’s face breaks Mark’s heart.  
“I should have told you sooner I know but-” he tries to say all the things that are on his mind at that moment on one breath before he loses his chance.

"But,” Donghyuck cuts him mid-sentence. “You didn’t tell me.”  
There are shock and sadness in his eyes but apart from that he looks relatively calm and that scares Mark even more.

“I know you hate that town and you want to leave it behind so bad Mark but _me_? It kind of feels like it’s not about our town anymore. You’re running away from yourself.”

There is tension in his jaw and this look in his eyes as if he is trying to say _‘tell me I’m wrong’_ but Mark can’t and so Donghyuck turns around and leaves him here.

After all this time he has spent trying to figure it all out and get out of here it was him who got left behind in the end. Soft summer breeze carries the scent of seawater and kids laughter and Mark realizes that he doesn’t hate it at all.

The next few days feel like a blur. There isn’t anyone to tell him not to pack his favorite plush bear because it takes to much space in his bag or that he wouldn’t really need that many bottles of sunscreen in the city.

His mother looks at him with her eyebrows furrowed while he packs but she doesn’t comment. He knows she figured he argued with Donghyuck, there is no way she wouldn’t so when she finally asks him about it he doesn’t try to lie.

“He doesn’t get it,” Mark says even though it’s not true.  
“That’s stupid Minhyung,” his mother points out. She leaves the dishes and crosses her arms over her chest. “even if it was true he is still your best friend.”

“I know mum but I don’t know how we are supposed to keep it that way without him there with me. He wants to stay here forever. Our goals are so different and I don’t know how to make it work anymore.”

At this point, he doesn’t care that all of his true emotions have poured out from behind the walls he has so carefully made over the years. He doesn’t want to lose his first love, his _best friend_ , like this.

His mother looks at him with sad eyes.  
“What it is you want the most Mark.” It’s not even a question.

**'All the stars are gone and I'm ready to go home. Please take me home.' - Dreams & Reality by Mark (19)**

_The realization that he is in love with Donghyuck comes when he is sitting alone on the beach one day._

_There is one near his house so his mother lets him go here alone as long as he informs her first._

_He gets bored of sitting inside all day and since Donghyuck is spending some time with his family he goes to the sea alone._

_The sand is wet from yesterday's rain but he doesn't really mind. His thoughts wander until they settle on the most comfortable and safe thing: **Donghyuck**._

_And then it hits him.  
He wants a future with the younger. Mark wants to one day move in together, argue over furniture like he saw his parents do when they renovated the salon, maybe even gets some pets._

_The image of the two of them planting flowers together and walking a dog are so clear in his mind Mark suddenly can't think of anything else._

_Maybe deep down Mark always knew this.  
They stick together during friends gatherings and parties. Donghyuck is always the first person Mark wants to invite to come over._

_His mom often laughs that the younger is the most important person to him.  
Mark **knows** he is._

_The realization is shocking but at the same time it feels natural and Mark finds it easy to just accept it._

_He tries to smile but there is this fear in him that Donghyuck may not look at Mark and feel the same things he is feeling._

_This is the first secret Mark keeps from Donghyuck.  
It's also the longest lasting one._

On the day of the flight, Mark wakes up at 5 a.m.  
There are too many thoughts and they keep on giving him nightmares so after tossing and turning for hours at one point he decides it's just better to get up.

He checks his bags one last time.  
He contemplates taking his old notebook with him. The one that has all the lyrics of 'You, You, You' in it. It would be a completely fresh start without it.

But at the same time he can't force himself to just leave it behind so he quickly shoves it into his backpack. Maybe he will write a little during the flight.

His parents drop him off and say their goodbyes fast. They have work and even thought they both declare it would be _fine_ if they were a bit late Mark makes them go after a few hugs.  
His mother tries very hard not to cry and it breaks his heart a little.

After that he makes his way to check ins. The airport is crowded, masses of people rushing in all directions. There is this sense of nervousness in the air and it makes Mark's hands sweat.

But then amongst all of this chaos is Donghyuck again.  
Mark has to stop and look at the younger to make sure he is real.

They haven't really talked since Mark told him about moving to Seoul and meeting him at the airport is the least thing he expects.

The younger looks like a hurricane of his own that day. His hair is messy and his eyes are scanning the crowd with a wild look.  
He hasn't noticed Mark just yet.

The older makes his way to his best friend slowly and Donghyuck finally catches his gaze.  
He doesn't smile at him and just nods.

They hug like there is no tomorrow. Mark feels safe in Donghyuck's arms, even when the younger spins him around. He closes his eyes and holds tight.

Donghyuck walks him the rest of the remaining distance to the check in counters and leaves him there with a smile.

Mark is already on the plane when he realizes that Donghyuck didn't make him promise that they will keep in contact like he did all those years ago.

**’It was so easy back then when all I saw was you, now that I see it all I don’t know what I should do' - You, You, You by Mark (12-20)**

_“You have to promise hyung!” Donghyuck screams and gets up to chase after Mark. They are both 9 years old on this chilly July morning._

_The beach is loud and their mothers laugh as the boys run around them in the sun.  
The younger catches him fairly easily. They both laugh when they land in the wet from sea foam sand._

_Mark can hear their mothers sigh and giggle from their places on the blankets.  
Donghyuck's smile suddenly shifts from bright and sweet to small and really dark._

_Mark yelps and tries to get out from under him but somehow he can't even with all the fear that runs through his veins._

_Donghyuck pills him down completely and Mark finally stops fighting. He looks at his best friend with wild eyes.  
"If we want the promise to be valid we need to seal it somehow," he says breathlessly. Mark's brain hopefully decides to shut down and he glances at the younger with a blank face._

_"You don't mean..." he doesn't even want to finish. All the promises he has seen in movies that he peeked at through the door because his parents banned him from watching them, were always sealed the same way. By blood, and needless to say, nine years old Mark didn't like the idea very much._

_Donghyuck laughs at his terrified face.  
"You look like you already lost all of your blood idiot," he lets go of Mark's hands and Mark looks at him surprised._

_Donghyuck just struggles and gets up to get rid of the sand on his hands before picking up a lonely tree branch. It was probably thrown away by the sea and Mark can't help but wonder where it was from. Maybe somewhere very far away. But most likely from the same beach they are standing on now.  
He gets up to join Donghyuck._

_"I just wanted to scare you a little. You should have seen your **face**."  
Mark crosses his arms over his chest. Like any other nine years old he doesn't like being made fun of._

_"What **did** you have in mind then?" he finally asks after a moment of silence. There is no point in staying mad at the younger._

_Donghyuck's face lights up again and he lifts the branch up.  
Mark takes a few skeptical steps back. He doesn't trust his best friend with sharp things. A quick look at their blankets tells him the adults feel the same way._

_"Let's sign the sand!" he exclaims enthusiastically and swings the stick. To Mark's relief, it lands safely in the sand making a small hole._

_"You know they won't stay in place right?" he asks looking at the younger. He expects to see a shadow of disappointment on Donghyuck's face but it never comes.  
Instead, he turns to Mark and frowns.  
"Yeah, of course, do you think I'm stupid."  
Mark laughs at his words._

_"It's just a sign hyung. We don't need **it** to least."  
Mark remains quiet and traces Donghyuck's hands which travel along the sides of the branch with his gaze._

_"And besides it **will** hold some kind of meaning since it will be written in the sand and washed up by the sea that we both love," he adds with a wistful look on his face.  
Mark laughs again._

_"Who told you that," he asks which earns him a light poke with the wooden stick. He jumps away with a yell and their mothers throw them strange looks again._

_"Are you gonna do it or not?" Donghyuck pounds and his hands close tighter around the branch._

_Mark thinks it's ridiculous and completely unnecessary but he would probably promise the younger anything if he asked._

The first few days in Seoul are hard. The city is big, hovering over Mark’s head with its skyscrapers at the corner of almost every street and masses of people who shove him out of their way making him lose his balance countless times.  
There’s always something happening and the first thing Mark learns is that Seoul never sleeps.

The second one is that time is key here. In his small town, there wasn’t a place he couldn’t get to in 20 minutes. Everything was within a walking distance.  
Here, in the capital, it was impossible to get to your destination on foot so he switches to buses and metro immediately.

Mark can almost say he likes this particular change. Sitting on public transport gives him time to think and write. Sometimes he also manages to catch a little bit of sleep going back from his vocal lessons to the dorms.

Life at the dorms is messy at first. Dejun, Kunhang, and Yukhei are the other trainees stuck in the tall building with him. They are all from aboard, still adapting to the new country and lifestyle so Mark doesn’t feel so alone.  
There are days when all of them just sit in their rooms too homesick to even talk to the others.

They get along well enough and Mark starts to think that maybe this can really be his new home.

The hardest part is probably being away from Donghyuck.

They talk a lot at first. Mark always checks his phone between classes and feels himself smiling whenever there is a new text from Donghyuck.  
He sends him all sorts of things. Life updates. quotes from his articles. Photos.  
There’s a lot of photos.

Jeno with pink hair with a caption “Forced by his own boyfriends. Snakes, don’t trust them hyung. Still looking hot tho.” That’s how Mark finds out that Jeno is dating Jaemin and Renjun.

As the months pass there is more school work for both of them and less and less texts.  
A new addition to Donghyuck’s friend group is the subject of most of the recent photos. His name is Yangyang and Donghyuck can talk about him for hours.

On one sunny day in May Mark asks Donghyuck about his relationship with Yangyang.  
“I don’t know,” the younger hesitates “He is nice and we have gone on a few dates but I’m not sure.”  
Mark doesn’t comment. It wouldn’t be fair.  
He still dreams about his best friends, still feels his breath hitch every time they facetime.

“Be happy Hyuck.”  
“Yeah,” a moment of silence and Mark swears he can hear the sea in the background. “I am.”

After a month Donghyuck sends Mark a photo with his arm around Yangyang’s waist.  
They don’t talk after that.

**'And now, and now we don't even talk anymore. Your name tastes bitter on my lips. How did it come to this?' - You, You, You by Mark (12-20)**

_Donghyuck steals his favorite toy when Mark is five. It's a pink rubber hippo without which Mark refuses to bath._

_He remembers this, somehow, and so does Donghyuck._

_He chases the younger around his house and then Donghyuck slips and falls. Mark spends the rest of the evening trying to make the other stop crying, the toy long forgotten. He never gets it back and it doesn't really matter anyway._

_All these years later Donghyuck tells Mark it was back then that he decided they will be best friends._

_Mark comments that the younger has a strange way of forming friendships and that's probably why he hasn't found someone new and Mark is still his best friend.  
Donghyuck just laughs._

It's nearing his two years in Seoul and Mark is trying his best to survive solely on coffee and occasional meals prepared by Dejun when the other feels like spending his extra time on making sure Mark doesn't collapse in the middle of the room.

"Someone has to make sure you don't just die," he says after Mark tries to lie about his eating habits in a tried voice while avoiding eye contact.  
"It sure does look like he tries very hard to do just that," comments Kunhang and Yukhei laughs from the sofa.  
He rolls his eyes but there is some truth in their words.

Mark is very, very tired.  
He misses the sound the waves make when they hit the sand during a storm.  
It's so different from what he is used to now. The white noise of the city he once thought would be able to finally calm his heart, in reality, made it impossible to fall asleep.

Because the city never slept and Mark, being the one always wanting to catch up to everything, barely slept too.

Living in Seoul is tiring and Mark feels with each passing day that it's not for him.  
But there is nothing he can really do about it because all of the things he holds dear are here.  
Well, almost all, his mind reminds him.

 _Donghyuck, Donghyuck, Donghyuck_ , whispers his heart and Mark closes his eyes.  
Younger’s face is still there, fresh in his memory.  
And his ex-best friend is present in all of his lyrics too, no matter how you look at it.

Even in newest tracks, he can see Donghyuck slipping through the cracks he didn't see before even though he tries his best stop this from happening.

It takes him months to finally complete his fourth mini album.

But in the end, it's worth it, all the tears of frustration and sleepless nights because Mark is proud of it.

But somehow he feels like it may not be enough this time because a few days after he sends the samples to his boss, Taeyong, he is called to his office.

"You wanted to see me?" he asks carefully and closes the door.  
“Yes, sit down Mark.”

He does as he is told. The chair squeaks under him as he tries to find a comfortable position but his muscles are way too tense and so after a few minutes, he gives up.  
“There’s nothing to worry about, I just wanted to ask you a question.”

Mark’s gaze snaps to his boss.  
“Sure,” he fiddles with the hem of his t-shirt. He can’t help but feel nervous despite the reassuring words.

"What about this song you wanted to finish for the longest time?" Taeyong asks when he finally lifts his eyes from the lyrics.

Mark thinks about the notebook he took with him from Jeju. The lyrics of 'You, You, You' written all over it but still nowhere near finished.  
"I have no idea how to end it," he finally says in a resigned voice.

Taeyong raises his eyebrows and scans him with a judging face.  
Mark tosses his weight from one leg to the other. He doesn't know what to say.

Finally, after what feels like forever, Taeyong clears his throat to speak again.  
"The music you are making is great Mark," he starts and all Mark can do is stop breathing because _they are gonna fire him_.

But Taeyong doesn't notice his panic and instead smiles at him.  
"But we can all see you're overworking yourself yet _again_. Dejun and Kunhang say you barely sleep and I can see that clearly on your face. I think you need some kind of change Mark."

"What do you mean?" he asks carefully. His brain has a hard time processing the other’s words.

"It's up to you. Maybe leaving Seoul for a while? Or permanently, we have recording studios all over Korea," he says and his eyes are warm not harsh.

"But," he starts saying.  
' _Seoul is my dream place_ ' he wants to say.  
But he can't because it isn't.  
His heart belongs in a small town in Jeju.

**'Small town small dreams, I always felt this way. _You_ made me want to stay.' - From There by Mark (21)**

_"What's so cool about the 'big city'?" Donghyuck asks with a frown._

_Mark stops what he is doing to think.  
"Everything," he says just to annoy the younger.  
Donghyuck throws a pillow at him._

_"Hey careful! You don't want that in your dinner do you?"  
"Answer the question loser."_

_Mark rolls his eyes.  
"I guess I like how anonymous you can be there. Here everyone knows everyone."  
This makes the younger frown again.  
"But you wouldn't be really anonymous if you publish your songs," he points out._

_Mark knows this, obviously. Truth to be told, he isn't really thrilled at the thought of being recognized in public._

_"How am I supposed to publish anything here Donghyuck?" he asks but of course, the younger doesn't have an answer to this._

It doesn’t take him that long to make up his mind. Once he accepts the truth that has been gnawing at him for the past 2 years he feels lighter.

As he passes his friends doors in the hallway his thoughts twist and turn inside his head until it starts to hurt so bad he stops by the kitchen to take medication and a glass of water. How is he supposed to talk with Donghyuck when he gets back. Should he even talk to him at all?

He finally enters his room. It’s small, messy and Mark feels tired just looking at it.  
It doesn’t even feel truly _his_.

He dials his mother number and paces across the room while the phone rings.  
Once, twice and then she picks up.

Mark truly isn’t sure what he wants to say but he takes a deep breath and starts with a simple greeting.  
“Hey mum,” his voice comes out shaky and he isn’t sure if it’s due to stress, one too many sleepless nights or what’s he is about to tell her.  
“Mark? You haven’t called in so long.”

Mark tries to swallow a lump that’s forming in his throat but it doesn’t help. She is right, he hasn’t called home in weeks. Maybe even a whole month now.  
Guilt makes it hard to focus on the conversation.

“I know, I’m sorry,” he says in a small voice and takes a deep breath. “But I have something important to tell you.”  
There is a short pause before his mum’s voice can be heard again.  
“Okay, I’m listening.”

“I’m coming back home,” Mark says on one breath. “Well, I mean not exactly home, I want to rent an apartment but I’m coming back to Jeju.”

“That’s… sudden,” his mother says slowly. “Did Taeyong kick you out?”  
“No!” he answers quickly and she laughs.  
“That’s great honey, you don’t have to tell me what’s up if you don’t want to, you know that right?”

Mark finds himself nodding and then rolls his eyes because, _she can’t see you idiot_.  
“I know mum but I think I want to talk.”  
“Good,” she says softly and after a minute adds “We haven’t done that in a while.”

Mark ignores the lump in his throat again, takes another deep breath and closes his eyes.

“I always thought that I can only have one of the things I wanted most,” he starts and feels tears forming at the corners of his closed eyes.  
“Because, well, how was I supposed to go to the big city and stay with Donghyuck at the same time.”

“But then Taeyong talked with me and I realized something. I never hated our town. I felt limited, yeah, but there are so many possibilities outside Seoul. I can still live where my heart belongs and write and publish music.”

“And most importantly I misplaced my priorities. I wanted to get my music out there for people to hear what I had to say but…all of it is about Donghyuck anyway.”

She sighs in what sounds like a relief.  
“It’s okay Mark it’s good you know what you want now.”  
Mark closes his eyes. The room is cold, the breeze coming through the open window and a chill runs down his spine.

“I was too scared mum, I wanted to try new things.”  
“But I don’t want it, I don’t want this life” he takes another deep breath and looks down at the starting lines of ‘You, You, You’. “I want Donghyuck. Even though he might not want me anymore, even as his best friend, this isn't my home,” he finishes and there is a sense of relief coming over him. It feels right and true and he finally feels like that’s what was supposed to happen from the very beginning.

“You should be telling this to Donghyuck not me,” she says in a much softer voice than before.  
Mark can feel that she had come to the same conclusion as him but much faster. He feels stupid but at least he doesn’t feel lost anymore.

“I can’t just force myself back into his life like that,” is the thought that keeps bothering him. No matter how he looks at it, how much he wants to talk with Donghyuck and get his old life back that’s the truth. He can’t do that to the younger.

“You’re forgetting that you were his best friend once too.”  
And, yeah, maybe Mark had forgotten, blinded by his not so platonic feelings, that friendship is a two-way street and that, once upon a time, they were in this together.  
Maybe, just maybe, there was a chance after all.

Mark was gonna let Donghyuck make his own decision about all of this.  
He has made up his mind already.

**'I’m lost in the big city. Where are you, my gravity?' - Dreams & Reality by Mark (19)**

_"Remember how you told me you wanted something bigger?" Donghyuck asks one day. They are fourteen and at his words Mark's mind starts spinning._

_At this moment in life the 'something bigger' he wants so bad seems impossible.  
"Yeah, what about it?" he asks breathlessly._

_Donghyuck smiles at him from the bed he is lying on.  
"I think I found something I want to do too."_

_They spend the whole evening looking at articles online. Donghyuck shows him all sorts of different magazines he would love to work for one day with stars in his eyes._

_From that day on everytime Mark passes by the local newspaper building he imagines Donghyuck working there._

_He has buried his dreams of becoming a songwriter deep down but he hopes that Donghyuck can make his wish come true._

After speaking with his mother and Taeyong he shares the news with Dejun, Kunhang, and Yukhei.  
He cares about his friends a lot and he feels relieved that they seem happy for him.

“Taeyong forced me to think about what I’m doing with my life.”  
Dejun raises his eyebrows and runs a hand through his hair.  
“And what exactly is that you’re doing?”  
“Is this about Donghyuck?” Kunhang asks at the same time and the pair exchanges glances and then giggles.

Mark sighs but laughs too. The atmosphere in the room changes and a familiar feeling of relaxation settles in. Memories of endless nights spent just talking to each other flash before his eyes. He will miss this.

“All of my lyrics are about him.”  
“Well, Mark I don’t think a song about the _sea_ is about Donghyuck,” Yukhei points out.

“It is,” Mark looks at the notebook in his hands. Even things he has written after coming to Seoul were about his best friend.

They all hug him and make him promise he will update them on the situation with Donghyuck.

“Bro, I’m sure he will fall for you like the minute he sees you.” Yukhei pats him not so gently on the back.

“I have to say you look definitely better than you did two years ago so Xuxi may have a point.” says Dejun from his place on Mark’s sofa.

“Hell yeah! Mark’s going back to Jeju to get his man! Send us wedding invitations okay?” Mark wants to chase after Yukhei but Kunhang pulls him back with a smile.

“Now, now. Who’s up for a Harry Potter marathon.”

They spend the night curled up on Mark’s couch. They talk about all the things that happened during his two years in the big city more than they watch the movies.

His last night in Seoul makes him cry and laugh. He can’t wait to be back in Jeju and for the first time in his life, he doesn’t feel the need to look back.

The packing goes smoothly. Mark goes out with Dejun to buy a few things for his mother. Mark debates for a long time if he should buy anything for Donghyuck and the others. In the end, he settles for some food for the others and an empty notebook for Donghyuck.  
Mark writes ‘For hopeful new beginnings’ on the first page and ‘I love you’ on the last.

He is terrified of seeing Donghyuck again but at the same time, he can’t wait to feel the familiar warmth only the younger can make him feel. There is so much he has to say, all the feelings he has kept inside for all these years. The conclusions he has come to during his two years in Seoul.

Mark can't wait to be back home.

**'This isn't my time, this isn't my place maybe one day I can finally find my pace' - Dreams & Reality by Mark (19)**

_Mark is the one that proposes the idea of giving Donghyuck a camera as his present for the younger's 12th birthday._

_"Well that's one of the best ideas you have had so far. I'm surprised," Renjun comments.  
"Yeah, no offence, but your ideas usually suck hyung," Jaemin adds and Renjun gives him an approving look._

_"How can you say that and 'no offence' in one sentence amazes me," says Chenle and then laughs like he has just told the best joke ever._

_Mark hates his friends sometimes._

_"You do all realize he only goes that extra mile for Donghyuck hyung right," Jisung chimes in and then, as if this wasn't enough already, adds a 'no offence' too._

_Correction: Mark hates his friends all the time._

_But he supposes it's all worth it when they see the smile on Donghyuck's face after they give him the camera they have spent all their savings on._

_The first photo on the camera is one of this smile. Mark takes it when Donghyuck isn't looking._

The first person Mark contacts after he lands in Jeju isn't Donghyuck, it's Jeno. Well, technically it's his mother because he needs her to pick him up but as soon as he steps into his childhood home he sends Jeno a simple “i’m back home”.

Just like Mark predicted, the younger freaks out.  
Jeno sends him about 10 messages all at once and before Mark can answer any of them there is a loud bang on his front door.

He exchanges a surprised look with his mother and when she raises her eyebrows he mouths a silent “ _Jeno_ ,” and she laughs.

The younger bursts into the house and goes straight to Mark for a hug. He doesn’t really have time to register all the changes in Jeno’s appearance besides him growing a little bit.  
How was this possible even after high school when all of them were so sure they were done with growing? Mark laughs into the hug.

It feels good to be back and it only now registers with him. The whole thing felt surreal til this point.  
The flight, his parents picking him up at the airport with a big banner reading ‘Welcome home Mark, we are so proud of you’.

Only now when he feels one of his best friends in his arms it feels real.

“What’s so funny Mark hyung?” Jeno asks, stepping away from Mark but still holding onto his shoulders. The younger scans him and he does the same.

Jeno has changed for sure. His shoulders are even broader than they were before. He has also dyed his hair light blond.  
He grew up and his aura changed. There is not a trace of a young boy scared of what life has in store for him.

Mark thinks he likes this Jeno already.  
“What’s up with you casually breaking into my house?” he asks with crossed arms and a raised eyebrow. It feels natural and easy talking with the younger like this.

Jeno laughs.  
“You’ve been gone for two years hyung and you expect me to just patiently wait for an invite?”

“Well, to be honest, yes,” this earns him a light hit on the shoulder.  
“Ah hyung I have changed,” Jeno smiles but there is sadness in his eyes.

“ _I know_.”

They spend hours upon hours catching up.

**'I can't see the sunrise over the city lights. I wish I could see the sunset somewhere else instead.' - Dreams & Reality by Mark (19)**

_Mark doesn't really tell the others that he is in love with Donghyuck._

_They sort of figure it out on their own. It's probably the lingering gazes when the younger isn't looking and the pink that travels up his neck and then colors his cheeks each time they touch._

_Renjun asks him about it first. It's very his style, easy and straight to the point.  
"Are you telling Donghyuck you're in love with him?"_

_Mark is shocked for a moment but he collects his thoughts fast.  
"No," he replies simply. It's been years since he had **really** thought about confessing._

_"Okay," is all Renjun has to say and they just get back to what they were doing before like nothing happened._

_Jeno doesn't really touch the subject he just dances around it.  
He asks about Donghyuck all the time. Where they younger is, how is he doing, what are his plans for the weekend and after a while all Mark does when asked any of these questions, is roll his eyes._

_It's finally when the school dance comes that Jeno gets the answer he has been looking for._

_"Who are you gonna ask hyung?" the younger asks enthusiastically, clearly more hyped for the thing than Mark._

_"Donghyuck," he says simply. Mark doesn't really has to think about it. There is no one else who he wants to go with and it's not like his best friend would say no._

_"Oh of course, it's not a bad idea to go with your best friend," Jeno smiles and nods "Should I ask Jeamin?"_

_**Here goes nothing** , he thinks._

_"I want to go with Donghyuck Jeno," Mark says because, to be honest, he is tired of all the question they younger seems to ask only to test the waters._

_" **Oh** ," Jeno says a little surprised. "That makes sense."_

_"I don't know why you sound surprised, I know you expected it," Mark laughs at the younger's expression._

_"I didn't expect you to just tell me that easily."  
They laugh together after that._

_Jaemin, Chenle and Jisung catch on on their own. The moment Mark realizes they **know** is lost in his memory._

_He isn't sure if he ever tells them or if the youngest of the group just figure it out and Jeno or Renjun confirm their suspicions._

_It feels natural and Mark feels safe even with all of them knowing._

_Donghyuck is the only one who doesn't catch up on what's happening. He is oblivious to all the teasing from their friends only making them laugh with his replies._

_Mark guesses it's better that way even though it means he probably doesn't have a chance._

_Donghyuck loves him back in every way possible but not this one._

_**It's enough** , Mark tells himself._

_He always misses Donghyuck's stare when nobody is looking._

News travel fast in a small town like Mark’s. It’s only the next day after his arrival when he is trying to figure out how to pack all of his things in as few cartoons as possible when he gets another knock on the door.

This time it's his mum who answers it and there is complete silence after the sound of a door being closed.

Mark feels the hairs on his neck stand up.  
And then he hears the words he knew were coming but they make his heart skip a beat anyway.

"Donghyuck! I assume you know Mark's back. He is upstairs."

There is noise downstairs and then footsteps on the old staircase.

Mark looks around in panic but the room is messy beyond repairing in those few second he has left.

Not even a minute after that Donghyuck bursts through the door and once again Mark doesn't have time for anything because he is being hugged like there is no tomorrow.

This time he hugs back and he can feel tears coming to his eyes. He knows this meeting probably won't go nice and easy but the feeling of having Donghyuck in his arms is something he missed so much.

Even after all those years Mark is still in love with the younger.

Donghyuck finally lets him go and they stare at each other. It's a deja vu from the visit Jeno paid him yesterday.

Donghyuck is bigger and definitely looks more mature and serious but Mark can see the playful boy underneath. It's in the way his mouth automatically curls into a smile and in the way he is standing with his hands in the back pockets of his jeans.

Mark's gaze stops for a solid minute at his hair. It's pink, all shades of pastel and neon coming together to create a beautiful mess.  
"It suits you," Mark says and almost bites his tongue off. This is not how you start your first conversation after two years.

Donghyuck seems to agree. He takes his hands out of the pockets and instead crosses them over his chest.

"Is this all you have to say?" he asks, eyebrows raised. His tone is almost mocking and Mark grimaces.

"No, of course not Donghyuck. I have so much to say but I don't know if you want to hear it."

”Am I supposed to just forgive you like that?” Donghyuck asks, voice quiet. “Tell me, Mark, because I don’t know.”

Mark doesn’t know what to say. He wants to tell him that, yes, he should forgive him like that.  
“I want to really, because you were my best friend and I want that back, but…”

There is silence and Mark thinks that Donghyuck is finished but the younger speaks again.  
“I need to know. Was there any reason why you did it? I know why you left but just leaving me on read and refusing to pick up my calls till I stopped trying is something else.”

“There was so much Donghyuck. And I will tell you, I promise, but I'm not ready yet.” Mark feels tears coming to his eyes. He doesn't have the right words to talk about what has happened in Seoul yet. And he doesn't have the right words to tell Donghyuck about his feelings. And maybe even more importantly, he still lacks the courage.

Donghyuck takes in a shaky breath before he speaks again.

“I never wanted it to end like this. I always knew you would leave one day but I never thought you would also leave _me_ behind. You decided what was best for the both of us alone when you accepted that proposition.”

“You didn't look surprised back then,” Mark says and there is more than just one moment of silence in which they just stare at each other before Donghyuck finally answers.  
“Maybe I wasn't.”

Mark doesn’t have an answer to that. There is only one thing left to do.  
"I'm letting you go," Mark says and Donghyuck's eyes go wilder.  
"Like you did all these years ago. I’m not going to force you to anything. You own me nothing Donghyuck."

The younger doesn't smile at him and just nods.  
"Okay," is all he says before disappearing. It hurts, a lot actually, but Marks finally feels free.

He loves Donghyuck so much, but love is sometimes about letting go.  
And it should always be about choice.

**'I replaced the sea and now there is no more salt on my tongue every time I open my mouth to speak.' - Sea by Mark (19)**

_"I like Jaemin," Renjun tells him one night when the two of them are having a sleepover._

_Mark doesn't really know how to answer to that. He thinks back to all the times he saw Jaemin playing with Renjun but he can't seem to find any particular signs of anything more than friendship._

_It turns out he isn't as observant as he likes to think._

_"I never saw that coming," he tells the younger truthfully._

_Renjun laughs.  
"Me too hyung, me too."_

_They talk about Jaemin for a while. Donghyuck slips through the cracks too but Renjun doesn't seem to mind, understanding that that's just the part of who Mark is._

_"Does it get easier hyung?"_

_Mark tries to catch Renjun's eyes but the other boy turns his head the other way._

_"What?"_

_"Ignoring the feelings."_

_Mark smiles in Renjun's direction and answers with what he believes.  
"Yes."_

He meets up with Jeno next week.

Mark at first doesn't want to agree when Jeno proposes a movie marathon.  
He knows Jeno is still Donghyuck's friend, even his best friend now, but when he tells Jeno this the younger laughs at him.

"Donghyuck doesn't mind hyung," is all it takes to make Mark agree. He missed Donghyuck the most but he did miss the others too.

And that's how they end up watching movies on Mark's couch.

In between High School Musical 1 and 2 Jeno fills him in on what's going on in the lives of the others.

It's interesting and Mark listens to him in complete silence smiling from time to time.

Then the younger gets their discussion to a topic Mark isn't really happy with.  
"So you and Donghyuck," he says and wiggles his eyebrows. Mark throws a pillow at him which doesn't really stop the younger but at least Mark doesn't have to look at his smooth face anymore. "Don't worry he is not with Yangyang anymore. It's been months since they broke up. Something about being better off as friends or something. Oh you have to meet him by the way he is really nice. Well, as long as you don't let him plan his evil things with Renjun."

"It's not about Yangyang Jeno, though you have to introduce me sometime. Donghyuck is mad at me and rightly so."  
Jeno laughs happily "You deserve it but hyung, you know it will be fine right?"

"Will it really?" he asks with sarcasm. He is just tired, not really mad at Jeno for bringing Donghyuck up so he adds "It's fine."

"Romance is hard. I have two boyfriends so I know that better than anyone."

“How does that even work?” Mark asks eyeing Jeno suspiciously.

He knew Renjun has like Jaemin for years but nothing about how the three of them really ended up dating.

The younger leans in like he is about to share a secret with him. Mark is sceptical but he leans in too.

“You just tell them you like their new hair color and then kiss?” Jeno asks in a tone worth a conspiracy theory video.  
“Is that… how you ended up dating both Renjun and Jaemin?”

Jeno seems to think about it for a minute.  
"No that's how I got Jaemin. Renjun was already included in the package."

Mark rolls his eyes and takes the remote to get the next movie going.  
Jeno laughs at him for solid ten minutes.

**'I try to go where my heart belongs but it's a long way from home.' - Soul by Mark (15)**

_Arguing with Donghyuck is hard.  
Both of them have different styles when it comes to arguments._

_Donghyuck throws his hands in the air while talking, voice raised and tears of frustration forming in the corners of his eyes._

_Mark is mostly calm. He tries to make his point known by speaking slowly but sometimes he slips and shouts too, his anger getting the better of him._

_Most of the times it's like this but sometimes they switch places._

_When Mark is the one shouting, according to Donghyuck, he is scary._

_But in Mark's opinion the scariest argument is when Donghyuck speaks in almost a whisper._

_It forces Mark to lean in close and see all the emotions bottled up in Donghyuck's eyes, ready to break free at any moment._

_"I don't know why we are still friends," is what hurts Mark the most during their most heated arguments. No matter who says it, him or Donghyuck._

_"I love you," is what always follows when they are finally finished. They can hug for hours after that._

_Mark knows their relationship isn't perfect but he wouldn't have it any other way._

Mark doesn’t expect to run into Donghyuck anytime soon.  
Sure, their city is quite small with only a few shops and places you can go to but he hasn’t run into anyone he knows yet.  
Well, till now, at least.

It’s a worm Friday after working on the details of his new album. He had filmed the music video back in Seoul already but there are some things that still need adjusting.

“Mark?” is all Donghyuck manages to get out. His voice is breathless and a little shaken.  
Mark is taken aback too.

"Donghyuck?" he asks stupidly and to his surprise the other boy laughs at him.  
And then rolls his eyes.

Mark feels relieve overcome him. All the tension seems to be gone.

"Hey wanna grab coffee with me?" he asks hesitantly. The fact that the other didn't ignore him is nice but that doesn't mean he wants to talk.  
But Mark decides to grab the chance he is given nonetheless.

Donghyuck pauses for a moment. He eyes the papers in his hands as if asking for a permission and when he finally looks up again he is smiling lightly.

"Sure but you're paying. I have two hours to spare anyway."

They make their way toward the nearest coffee shop which happens to also be the one where Jisung works at the moment.

The youngest of their old friendship group gives them a surprised look. Donghyuck waves at him and his face breaks into a smile.

Mark knows they are still friends and that now, Jisung is dating Chenle. He is the only one who really left their circle. Everyone else stayed in it more or less. And of course, there is Yangyang who joined them.

They order at the counter and settle for a boot in the corner farthest away from the entrance. The shop is almost empty at that hour, most of the people choosing to eat dinner with their families.

There are a few lonely what looks like students, bending over their computers, eyes glued on the screens and faces in a never ending frowns.

Mark visits this shop with his laptop sometimes and wonders if he looks like this too.  
Donghyuck sits opposite of him looking to his left at Jisung.

"Jisung grew up well didn't he?"  
Donghyuck head snaps back to him.  
"What do you know about it Mark? You weren't here and didn't even bother to contact him while you were gone. I get that you might have not wanted to talk to me for some reason but the others? That was unfair."

Mark flinches. Donghyuck has all the points but that conversation is something he needs to have with the others.  
The one he wants to have with Donghyuck is something completely different.

"You're right. I'm going to talk to them. But I need to talk to you too and since you agreed to the coffee I figured you might want to talk to me after all."

"That might be a stretch Markie. Who says no to a free coffee," Donghyuck's voice is light and mocking but his face is the exact opposite. With lips in a flat line and eyes focused he looks elegant and mature and Mark has never been more in love with the younger.

“Give me a chance to tell you about it. If you don't want to hear from me after it then…” Mark wants to say that he would be fine with it but he wouldn't. And he promised himself that he won't lie anymore. “I wouldn't be fine but I would respect your choice Donghyuck.”

“Hyung,” Donghyuck starts calmly “It's fine. You already gave me a chance but I still came back didn’t I. I want my best friend back too.”

It’s finally the time and Mark makes sure he remembers all he wants to say before he starts talking.  
“I was scared," he starts quietly.

“Scared of what exactly?” Donghyuck’s voice is flat with no teasing in it.

“God, Donghyuck. I never cared about anything a much as I cared about you. I still do. Care about you.”  
“Not that much anymore?”

“No, it’s not it. But I have other things I care about a lot too now. I needed that,” he thinks back to everyone he left in Seoul. To Kunhang, Dejun, and Yukhei. Even Taeyong and all the people who worked on his albums with him.

“It still doesn’t excuse you giving up on our friendship Mark.”  
“Yeah it doesn’t but I don’t want excuses. I want you to give me a second chance," Mark waits for the younger's response with his hands nervously tapping the rhythm of his newest song on his knees.

Donghyuck folds his hands on his chest. The corners of Mark’s mouth curls up unconsciously because this is finally the Donghyuck he knew years ago.

“I already told you. You have it hyung. And, looking back on it, I think I always knew you wanted new things. Exciting things. And I wasn't new neither exiting. That was always fine with me, I like myself how I am," Donghyuck doesn't look exactly at Mark, more like above his shoulder.

The older has to press his lips into a thin line not to say anything yet. He has a feeling that Donghyuck isn't finished yet. "That's why I didn't fight when you told me you were leaving. I never expected you to come back."

Some things hurt Mark psychically, he is used to that, growing up in a small beach town. Falling off of his bike or scratching his palms on the sand while playing beach volleyball on lazy afternoons. But psychical pain is what he truly fears.

Years ago, Mark would say he was terrible at handling it. Now after growing up and living in Seoul, he is better at it but Donghyuck's words still hurt. Donghyuck is always able to hurt him the most.

But he is also able to make him smile the brightest and that's why he is not willing to let go now.

"What if I told you I always planned to come back?" he asks after a minute.  
Donghyuck looks taken aback.  
"I wouldn't believe you," he says but his tone is hesitant and Mark tightens his palms into fists.  
"That's a start."

**'But sitting next to you was always my favorite thing to do.' - You, You, You by Mark (12-20)**

_"Oh wow what did you do this time?" Donghyuck asks him with a grin on his face._

_Mark is sitting next to his desk in their chem classroom. He has his hands around his knees.  
The younger peeks at him and bursts into laughter._

_"What left you so traumatized Markie," Donghyuck stops laughing and sits next to Mark, still smiling._

_He doesn't care that the floor is dirty or uncomfortable. Mark already feels better.  
"Yerim confessed to me," Mark almost whispers and Donghyuck leans in closer to hear him._

_The younger freezes for a moment and then laughs again._

_"Where am I when interesting stuff is happening in this boring school?" he asks dramatically and probably doesn't expect an answer._

_But Mark provides anyway.  
"You had detention with Mr. Kim."  
Donghyuck looks betrayed.  
"Don't remind me."  
Mark giggles and his best friends rolls his eyes at him._

_"Anyway," he starts setting down next to Mark. After a moment of silence Donghyuck moves away from him and Mark hates himself for missing the other's warmth already._

_He hates being reminded of his secret.  
"What's so horrible about it?" Donghyuck wonders "did you agree?"_

_"No," Mark says fast and immediately regrets it. He doesn't know what he is supposed to tell Donghyuck. He hates lying to the younger._

_"Why? She's pretty and popular and it's not like you would have to marry her or anything," Donghyuck says and looks Mark straight in the eyes with a questioning look._

_**I would only say yes to you stupid** , Mark thinks but stays quiet._

_He hasn't even told Donghyuck he is gay yet. He isn't sure why.  
But there is something that makes Mark step back. He has a feeling Donghyuck would just know the moment Mark told him._

_Because really, who else was there for Mark to fall in love with?_

It's another one of their lazy Sunday evenings. They are peaceful now when Mark's new album is out and there aren't any talks about the future ones at the studio yet.

Donghyuck's work is slow too, this big article the younger has been talking about for the past few weeks almost ready to publish.

It allows them to just enjoy themselves. And each other's company.

In moments like this the topic of Mark's life in Seoul surfaces more often than not.  
Though Donghyuck claims to have accepted Mark's apology, and so did everyone else, the younger still doesn't stop asking about it.

Mark can clearly see that his intuition tells him to dig deeper.

"There's something you're not telling me," Donghyuck often says with his brows furrowed and all Mark can do is sigh because it's still too early to do anything about it. That's what he thinks at least. He doesn't want to destroy the friendship he somehow managed to get back.

Donghyuck brings it back again during the movie.  
"I have a notebook I note everything I think is important in you know. I have lots of article ideas there," he leans over to reach strawberries and Mark waits patiently for his next words.

"I also have a page titled 'reasons Mark left for Seoul'."  
Mark rolls his eyes.  
"I have so many here but I still can't figure it out."

“The first one I have is music. It was about it at the start. I knew you loved it,” Donghyuck continues looking Mark straight in the eye. “But then all of a sudden it wasn’t. And I’ve always failed to see the correlation between publishing your music and going to Seoul. There were so many occasions here, like what you are doing right now.”

“First I thought you hated the city and later I thought you hated me,” Donghyuck finishes with an echo of pain visible in his voice.

“How could I? You were my best friend Donghyuck.”  
Mark feels the need to hug him. The younger was always the clingy one but right now he stays quiet with his back straight and his eyes still set on Mark.

"Have you listened to my songs?" Mark asks hesitantly instead. There is heat traveling up his neck to color his cheeks pink. He doesn't know what to expect.

"Yeah," Donghyuck waits a moment before he continues with a sigh "I know them all."  
Mark looks at his friend for a moment.

"I guess the things I rap about aren’t as clean as I always thought them to be."  
Donghyuck’s eyes are unreadable and there is an idea forming in Mark’s head.  
Maybe he can finally make this work.

**'Even in my wildest dreams I couldn't dream of a creature as beautiful and free.' - Flower by Mark (16)**

_Coming out is scary even though he knows his parents are accepting and wouldn't treat him differently._

_Mark debates the pros and cons for long months beforehand and he still doesn't really know if it will be worth it when he decided to finally do it._

_He asks Renjun, the only one of them already out for advice and they spend hours discussing every aspect of it. Every little scenario Mark has made up in his mind._

_It goes nothing like what he planned.  
Donghyuck holds his hand the whole time, squeezing harder when Mark stutters or pauses with a shaky breath._

_His parents gazes never leave him but he knows that during the whole conversation they also puzzle everything together about Donghyuck._

_But they are fine with it and Mark feels free, finally able to be himself with the people he spends most of his time with._

Mark feels like his heart is about to jump out of his chest when he finally gets to action. He runs down the streets with the sound of his heartbeat in his ears. Everything is quiet and empty at this hour.

He leaves the notebook that he bought back in Seoul and lyrics to ‘You, You, You’ with a note saying 'it's not finished yet but I don't know the ending so it’s only fair. I don't think anyone can misinterpret this one. But if you're still not sure take a look at the notebook' at Donghyuck’s doorsteps at sunrise.

Mark knows the younger is probably getting ready to go to work already but he doesn't wait for him to see how he reacts.  
He is still a little bit of a coward.

**'Sunrise on the horizon and you on my mind. It's always like that.' - You, You, You by Mark (12-20)**

_“What are you writing Mark? Something for school?” his mother asks, leaning over his shoulder to read what he has scribbled in his notebook._

_Mark’s hands instinctively fly up in an attempt to cover the page as fast as possible.  
There’s no way he is letting her see any of this.  
“N-no,” he says and feels his cheeks heat up._

_His mother laughs and instead of trying to pry his hands of the paper ruffles his hair.  
“Okay then I’ll leave you to it,” and with that, she disappears into the kitchen to finish the dinner._

_Mark looks down at the page. The ink of his pen is a little smeared now but the big letters 'You, You, You' he just wrote are still clearly visible.  
He picks up the pen again and starts writing._

When he finally gets to the studio the sun is up high in the sky. It’s almost 10 a.m and being this late for the first time since transforming to Jeju earns him a few raised eyebrows but nobody says anything.

 _I’m not late_ , Mark repeats again and again in his head while walking down the corridor to Doyoung’s office.

The other male welcomes him with a smile on his face and Mark finally relaxes.

It's been almost two hours since he got to work when the peace of the whole room is interrupted by a loud noise.

Mark looks down to his phone. The screen flashes green and Donghyuck’s name appears. He doesn’t know if he should pick up but his co-worker gives him a judging stare.  
Mark fumbles for a moment before finally picking up, his hands shaking with nervousness.

“Donghyuck?” he asks, voice choked.  
“Markie,” the younger says and Mark can feel his shoulder relax and his breath get even.

“Yeah,” he isn’t sure what he is supposed to say. Now it’s time for Donghyuck’s move. He did all he had to do, there is nothing more he can say.

“I think we should meet,” is what Donghyuck says in a soft, almost hesitant voice. “This is not the type of thing to say over the phone.”

Mark totally agrees.  
“Will you give me some sort of an answer first?” he asks because even though Donghyuck seems calm and collected he doesn’t know what to expect. Mark just wants to know if they are fine.

“No.”  
_Well that’s fair, I probably deserved that._  
“Fine, when and where?”  
"I finish at 8, let's meet at mine."

Mark agrees and Donghyuck says he has to go so they end the call.

He can't focus on his work for the rest of the day.  
As soon as the clock hits 8 Mark runs from the studio. Some of his co-workers give him weird glances but he doesn't care, not today. It is useless sitting here and not getting anything done anyway.

He gets on the first bus that goes in Donghyuck's direction and nervously skips through his playlist the whole ride.

He scribbles some words in his notebook. Maybe he can make some lines for 'You, You, You' out of them later. This is the moment he has been waiting for.

Donghyuck knows. And he is fine with it. There was no anger or sadness in his voice during the call and Mark is so grateful that no matter the outcome of their conversation he won't lose his best friend again today.

When he reaches the younger's house it's already dark outside. The sunset just ended and there are still some clouds colored pink and purple in the sky.

Mark has always preferred sunrise but now he can see the beauty in the sunset too.

Donghyuck is waiting for him on the couch. With his legs crossed and hands buried in the sleeves of his too-big sweater, he looks a lot younger than he actually is. Almost like time stopped when Mark left. But clearly, it didn't.

The older leaves his coat at the entrance and silently walks to the couch. He sits a few feet away from the younger.  
The space between them is filled with silence for a few minutes before Donghyuck finally breaks it.

“You made me feel like I was in this alone," he says but he doesn't look at Mark. “All those years Mark.”

"There was no one else for me," Mark takes a deep breath "Never, Donghyuck. Even back when Yerim confessed to me in second grade. Do you remember that? It was always you."

"Mark," Donghyuck looks serious, way too serious, Mark much more prefers him with a smile. But things change and during Mark's two years in Seoul Donghyuck grew up too.

"You were my first love. Maybe you weren't the second but..." the younger hesitates and looks down on the lyrics for ‘You, You, You’. "I would be willing to let you be my third."

And after a moment he adds:  
"And my last too, fuck the consequences. There wasn't anyone as important in my life as you Mark too, I want you to know that."

Mark gives him the brightest smile. Tears form at the corners of his eyes.

So many years of pushing and pulling, mistakes and regrets that led them to this moment.  
He opens his eyes and searches for Donghyuck’s gaze.

The younger is smiling too and when their eyes meet his best friend moves closer.

Their mouths meet halfway.  
The kiss tastes of salt and Mark smiles. His hand grabs at Donghyuck’s waist and the younger giggles.

Soon they have to part because kissing becomes impossible when they are laughing that hard.

**'And now it's my my my sunrise and sunset.  
I thank you for that.' - You, You, You end by Mark (12-20)**

_Mark meets Donghyuck when he is one and the younger is five months old. Neither of them can remember this of course, but that's what Mark was told by his parents._

_Their mothers are childhood best friends so it's only natural they will be too.  
Mark sometimes wonders how they would have turned out if they weren't made best friends even before they knew how to speak._

_He likes to believe he would have fallen in love with Donghyuck no matter what._

It’s a chill Sunday afternoon and Donghyuck drags Mark to the beach.  
“Hyung you have been so busy the whole week I didn’t even see you once,” he whines and pulls on Mark’s hand until the older finally gives in.

“But I need to work on ‘You, You, You’ in the evening,” he says while they run down the street. Their hands are still clasped together and the wind blows in Mark’s face making it impossible for words to travel to Donghyuck’s ear.

The younger laughs from next to him and starts running faster.  
“No, no, no!” he yells and tightens his grasp on Mark’s hand. “No working today!”

They are on the beach in minutes and as soon as Mark feels sand under his feet he smiles wildly. It’s been a while since he had time to enjoy himself by the sea.  
Or since he had time for Donghyuck.

He feels guilty about it sometimes. It’s been five months since they started dating and they had gone on only four dates.

Donghyuck always laughs at him when he tries to start the conversation about this.  
“We are both busy Markie, it’s fine,” is what the younger says with a smile on his face but it does little to erase the lump in Mark’s throat.

He supposes they really need this day to themselves.  
They settle in the middle of the normal Sunday chaos. Children are playing in the burning sun and parents are gossiping far away from the waves.

The picnic date goes well. They end up running to the store twice to get more fruits and some ice cream.  
Donghyuck whines enough to make Mark pay for everything and jumps happily around the place like a little child.

It’s fun to go back to being careless for a few hours. Playing in the sea as they did ten years ago and making silly faces at each other when the other person isn’t looking.

After a while, they stop to catch their breaths. Mark’s gaze wanders off to Donghyuck’s frame. No matter how much he looks at the younger he never gets tired of it.

“Where is our energy Markie poo? We used to do this for days not only mere hours.”  
"We were young back then," Mark looks at the sun above them. He can feel his eyes start to water but he doesn't want to look away. He hears kids playing in the waves and tastes salt on his tongue.  
"We still are," Donghyuck gets up and shakes the sand off his hands.

Then he smiles mischievously and slams Mark lightly on the shoulder and screams "You're it!"

Mark can't help but laugh.  
Running around playing tag with Donghyuck is refreshing. It feels like he never left.

But even though his years in Seoul gave him a few regrets, he doesn't count time spent there as a mistake.

He tells Donghyuck that when they finally settle down on the blanket again and the younger smiles.

"I don't regret it too. I missed you, of course, but there are things I don't know if I would have thought about if u never left."

Mark moves closer to his best friend.  
"I'm never leaving you again."  
"You don't really have a choice. I wouldn't let you this time." Donghyuck laughs but then adds in a more serious voice, "but don't say ‘never’ Mark, you know that it won't work for us."

The sun starts to settle.  
“No more promises,” Mark says looking Donghyuck in the eyes.  
“Yeah,” Donghyuck laughs at him.

“Just ‘I love you’s,” Mark finishes and grabs his boyfriend's hand.

The notebook lays forgotten on the blanket, wind playing with it.

There is a strong blow and it opens the notebook and flips the pages to the last one.  
_'I love you'_  
And then the notebook closes.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank u for reading!!  
> I hope u enjoyed and if u did leave a comment and kudos~ also try your luck at guessing hehe~
> 
> Till next time!!
> 
> //now that reveals are done come talk to me @ yangjeonguwu on tt!!


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